Ivan is the Wayne Gretzky of cats - he's always swatting at something and on top of that, he likes to play fetch. These two activities came together one Christmas.

I had my nativity scene set up and kind of down low on the entertainment center. So first I notice the Baby Jesus missing. I knew right away that Ivan was the culprit. A few days later I watched as Ivan took out Mary with Gretzky-like precision. It was horrifying - I knew there and then that Ivan would never go over that golden rainbow bridge thing where NICE animals go after they depart this earth; this little bugger was going straight to, appropriately, H. E. Double Hockey Sticks.

Then, the mother of all offenses. Per his propensity for playing fetch, he brought me Joseph to toss for him. I did not, for the record, throw a biblical character for the Orange He-Devil.